Be Kind To Yourself #1
In February, I wrote two blogs about Kindness.
Kindness starts with you – through your thoughts, words and actions.
And that the Secret of Kindness is that everyone wins!
Being kind to ourselves is something that many of us need help with at times.
So today, I’m starting a blog series on this topic.
Every Friday, I’ll cover the topic from a different angle.
It’s intended to be thought-provoking, fun and to give you tips. And it’s interactive.
I’d love to hear your own ideas on social media.
Finding and Accepting your Heart’s Desire
The sports car (1988)
I was a student and had a summer job in a factory, working 12-hour shifts.
Half the workers were skilled-regulars and the other half casual-temporary.
One of the skilled-regulars turned up one day in a BMW sports car.
It was old, needed some work, but it had still cost him a fair bit of money.
He’d paid for it by working a whole year of weekend overtime and had also taken out a loan. Essentially, most weeks, he’d worked 7-days.
He parked it up and all us workers came outside with him to admire it.
Then one of his fellow workers ‘popped his bubble’ by piping up, loudly:
“But Dave, when are you gonna drive it?! You’re always here, working!”.
Cue laughter and smiles all round, including Dave. More banter followed.
Weeks later that jokey comment turned out to be true. Dave had to continue working 7-days a week. He had to pay for the cost of running and renovating the car. He clearly hadn’t thought through the costs properly and it had backfired on him (excuse the pun!!)
It also turned out that it wasn’t his idea in the first place. He’d bought it off a mate in his local pub, at his mates insistence!
Soon after this, he sold the car and bought one that he could afford to run without working constantly.
The sports car (2022)
I’m having dinner with friends who work in health and social care.
One of them says that he’d recently had a pay-out and bought a convertible sports car, something he’d always wanted.
He was able to afford it outright and so he’s not compromised financially, like the first guy.
All of us who drive now have to think about the environment and he made it clear that he uses the car responsibly, in a limited way.
But curiously, he looks a little uncomfortable. I ask him why.
He says he’s worried that people might think he’s - “a show-off!”
I ask him if he is. He says he’s not. And I say I believe him!
I ask if he worked hard and earned the money that paid for the car. He says he did.
So I suggest that as he’s earned it, and can afford it, that he deserves it as a treat to himself.
I ask him what it’s like to drive. His face lights up – “It’s wonderful”.
He says how amazing and exciting it is to drive.
“It’s so smooth. I touch the pedal and it surges forward.”
I suggest to him that he also deserves to enjoy it,
“or otherwise, give me the car and I’ll enjoy it for you!”
Laughter ensues around the table. But it’s different from the laughter back in 1988. There’s relief, and release.
Both people were constrained…
The first by trying to live out someone else’s goals that he was persuaded to take on, that weren’t really possible for him, and that he hadn’t costed properly.
[Decisions in pubs can often fall into this category!]
And the second by how he thought others would think of him having treated himself to his heart’s desire.
Both were really powerful examples of how we can have difficulties choosing or relating to our goals.
It can be easy to spot the motivational pitfalls that others fall into - but we can be blind to our own.
Find your Hearts Desires in tough times
Life’s not all about buying sports cars, of course. These are tough times for many of us.
Many coaching clients have needed help to increase their income through promotion or career change, or cutting costs or downsizing to save money.
But for each of them it’s been important that the changes they make are positive and true to themselves.
One coaching client only last week realised that they have a pattern of consistently taking jobs below their ability and pay-scale and massively overworking to prove they are worth more than they’re paid. No-one had noticed this confidence issue, at first sight, as they are so competent.
Once my client recognised this, they could identify their ‘limiting beliefs’ that led to this. Then discover their ‘new truths’ to replace them.
It's their hearts desire to work in a senior job. They’ll have a huge impact on the success of the company and the fulfilment of their staff. And they’ll make sure there’s a great service given to customers.
They can now realistically find a job with a much higher salary with flexible hours and their life can become more manageable and fulfilled.
At the end of their session they said that they felt the most liberated and empowered in years.
Three top tips to check your goals
There’s nothing wrong with setting ambitious goals. They can push us forward and inspire us to achieve great things. But it’s important that they are true to you.
1. Which goals are truly yours? Which are outdated or from others?
2. What are all the elements needed for this goal to succeed?
What challenging but realistic markers can you set on the way?
3. What are your heart’s desires?
And how can you find them and shift all blocks to fulfil them?
Life Coaching can be the key to help you explore all this.
“You’re empowered and released to find your own freedom.”
Could life coaching help you? Take these two simple self-assessments here
Book a free 20-minute Discovery call - here